The Little Mermaid — Hans Christian Anderson

I decided i’d read this just to get my mermaid thing going before reading ‘The Mermaid’.

I’m very disappointed.

Silly little girl falls in love with handsome prince who she can’t have because she’s just not good enough and he loves another, blah, blah, blah.   So she has to die, like dead forever, because mermaids don’t have immortal souls like human beings do because they’re obviously just animals and Anderson obviously believes that animals don’t have souls and probably agrees with Descartes that you can even nail them to doors and dissect them without anaesthetic because they’re just soulless things unworthy of our consideration.

But wait, Hans gives this disgusting, soulless animal a chance, she can have legs to go on land and woo the handsome prince but she has to lose her voice by having her tongue cut out and suffer the pain of walking on knives for her whole life to do so.   So desperate is this soulless creature that she agrees to this obscene torture.   If she gets the prince to own her through marriage thus becoming a responsible pet owner for this soulless animal then god will bestow a soul upon this creature and it can live happily ever after as the sex slave of the prince.   Otherwise she’s just going to be a bit of nothing floating on the wind for all eternity.

And then we’re told that if children are good then the little mermaid may still get a soul and go to heaven but if children are bad then she won’t.   So if you you’re ever a naughty child, even for a moment, then you’re obviously a fucking evil little shit who hates mermaids.   WTF!!!   But mermaids are soulless animals who don’t get to go to heaven so its a bit confused as to whether a child should be worried about being good when its not actually the child’s fault in the first place that mermaids are soulless animals who god obviously hates and doesn’t want in heaven anyway.

Children should not have a sense of right and wrong built upon fairy tales, imaginary beings and/or other such nonsense.   Because what do you think is going to happen when the child finds out that everything it believed you told it was true is a complete lie that you conjured up in order to hoodwink and con the child into behaving to your unreasonable demands?

I seriously would not read this to any child i had in my care.   It’s disgusting, backward, patriarchal, god grovelling drivel.   Some books should be burned/deleted.

Deleted!

Han’s Page

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The Bookshop Of Yesterdays — Amy Meyerson

WTF!!!

I was hoping for another good book about a bookshop, but what i got was someone who thinks that completely rewriting the rules of punctuation is somehow a good thing.

FYI Amy… Speech is defined in prose by quotation marks, not just simply put into italics.   Italics in prose means something completely different.   I’m not sure what Amy is trying to achieve with this but it’s utterly lost on me.

It was utterly ridiculous trying to read this, there’s no hope of simply relaxing and just enjoying the story, you have to spend most of your attention deciphering the absolute lack of quotation marks and shambolic misuse of italics.   Add to this that most of the start of the book is people saying things and one simply has no choice but to quickly delete the book from ones Kindle.

Total waste of money.   Thanks Amy.   Go back to school and learn how to write before publishing books and taking people’s money.

Deleted!

Amy’s Page

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Of Mutability – Jo Shapcott

When i set up this website i added my whole Kindle collection from Amazon.   Amongst many books that i didn’t know i had was this one, and i’ve still no idea how it appeared on my account.

Although i don’t normally read poetry, i usually enjoy it when i do, and i was actually looking forward to reading through this collection.

But i have to say, i’m seriously disappointed.   I made it 10% in, which i admit is not very far, but i really couldn’t take any more.

I have no idea when random babble written as bad prose that then gets chopped up randomly into lines that have no cadence, meter, rhythm, rhyme, structure or style got defined as poetry, but it seems that some people now claim it is.

I suppose its the same type that class ‘Sewing Machine in Hessian Sack’ as modern art — utter bollox!

Here’s some modern poetry (apparently)…

It may please the Sunday Times
cryptic crossword
crowd while drinking
Costa
coffee from a disposable cup
(see front cover), but
i very much doubt it
will please anyone
else.

Deleted!

Jo’s Page

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One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez

I’ve started to read this book 3 times before and never made it through the first 20 pages.   This time i got over 1/3 of the way through it, and that was more than enough to call it a day.   So read this review with that in mind.

This book is the literary equivalent of a crap TV soap opera.   The characters are mostly inbred and somewhat retarded.   There are too many characters, most of which either have the same name or very similar names.   And just when you thought there was more than enough of one name a whole bunch of illegitimate children would turn up and Gabriel would give them all the same name of the father.   It’s like grandson named after son named after father named after great uncle named after grandfather.   And this goes on and on until you aren’t quite sure who you’re reading about.   Adding to the too many characters with the same name, there are also too many characters with similar names.   Then you get time shifts, where suddenly you’re reading something that happened to a ‘name’ (because you can never be sure which character that name is) previously and then it’s back to present then off to the future and then it’s now again but you don’t get any structure to it, and it’s just utter chaos.

On top of all that chaos, they’re all related somehow because incest seems to be a perfectly normal thing amongst these backward, inbred people.   And every few pages a new child is thrown into the mix named after someone already in the story who is then adopted and raised by someone other than its parents.   And the incest and adoption is so confusing that you’re never quite sure who is related to who in what way, thus leading to more incest, adoption and confusion.

Oh, sure, i could have done due diligence and made a big effort to work out who exactly is who when a name appears, but i shouldn’t have to.   I don’t read books to make tedious and pointless work for myself.   I read books to enjoy the escape from tedium, for fun and recreation, to enjoy the experience of losing myself.

You can never lose yourself in this book if you want to understand what is going on because you’re always having to work at who is who and how they’re related to each other in what generation, etc., etc..

Then there’s the liberal use of Deus Ex Machina.   Create a problem, that of everyone losing their memories, and then solve it when someone turns up with a magical potion and everything’s suddenly ok again.   And what was the point of it all and where have we got with the actual story?

And that’s the question: what is the actual story here?   All i get is a never ending cacophony of incest, illegitimate children, adoption of each other’s illegitimate children, giving them names of already existing characters into the maelstrom of same and similar named characters that already exist, and stupid behaviour with ever more and more characters from other places being thrown in, even when completely unnecessary.

How this book is classed as a paragon of Spanish literature is beyond me.   I suppose it’s the same crowd that think Shakespeare and Dickens are paragons of English literature.   And guess what?   You won’t ever find any Shakespeare or Dickens on this website.

It’s not that i can’t handle lots of characters: i’ve read the Riftwar saga by Raymond E. Feist and similar great sagas of fantasy and sci-fi, and i’ve never been confused.   Why?   Because they give them all distinctive names.

It’s not that i have a problem with non English names: i’ve read lots of fantasy, sci-fi and also translated books by lots of non English writers, never been a problem.   Why?   Because they give them all distinctive names.

I can only think that this was done on purpose to make some literary point, but this literary point is completely lost on me.   Why create utter chaos within your character structure, add too many characters even when completely unnecessary to the story, give the characters same or similar names to add more confusion, throw never ending incest and inbreeding into the mix and then get them to adopt each other’s children and then don’t tell the children who their parents are so you can look forward to more incest?   The point certainly isn’t made in the first 1/3rd of the book and if a writer can’t be bothered to hook me into a story in that time then the book goes in the delete bin.

The other issue with all this character chaos is that you never can bond with any of the characters.

I like a book that gives me some central characters who i can bond with, root for and believe in.   Characters that i can identify, who stand out and make sense of the story for me.   I like a book that simply loses me in the story.   When i read a book the only part of me that has to do anything is my thumb, turning the pages on my Kindle: i don’t want to be having to stop and think about what’s happening, the story should flow and make sense of itself without my having to make a load of effort to make it make sense.   And i don’t like soap operas and those kind of pathetic characters, repeating the same stupid mistakes over and over again and never learning anything.   If i want a soap opera i could watch television.   I don’t watch television!   I read books!

My final pronouncement on this book is that it is a work for voyeurs with a niche fetish of viewing incest who enjoy crappy TV soap operas who are happy with Deus Ex Machina being deployed to solve every problem that served no literary purpose other than to deploy the Deus Ex Machina in the first place.

Utterly ridiculous!

Deleted!

Gabriel’s Page

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The Unwanted – Steam Punk

My first negative review on the website — what a place of honour!

For a give away short story one maybe shouldn’t complain, but it takes time to read stories and i feel this was a waste of it.

We are given characters who were raised and trained from childhood to fulfil their adult roles, who are apparently the best at what they do, but who then come across as incredibly flawed and weak.

Then there’s the editing, seriously, did someone just type this down and run it through a spell checker before publishing it?

I do feel there’s a good story hiding behind the faults, which kind of adds to the annoyance.

But most annoying of all is that it utterly made a mockery out of my ‘judging a book by its cover’ philosophy. Yes, occasionally, in order to facilitate the foisting of a crap book onto unfortunate readers, a crap writer will find a rather beautiful woman and dress her up in some delightfully arousing, Steampunk costume (i can’t help it, the Steampunk thing just does it for me) and put her on the cover — even though what’s inside the book doesn’t resemble anything like what’s on the cover.   And no, i’m not giving up on my philosophy just because a few cunts have decided to take advantage of it.

That all said, don’t ever say i don’t do negative reviews, because now i have.

Deleted!

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