While we have done our utmost best in exploring the efficacy of other, safer, means of randomly selecting a book, we have ultimately, at the end of our morning tea break, come to conclusion that the only true way of doing so is to use an “Infinite Improbability Drive”:
Don’t worry, we have ensured that that button is a facsimile and isn’t actually connected to any of our “Infinite Improbability Drives”, it’s just so you know what they look like. However, it’s important that you read the following safety message before proceeding any further with your meanderings around this website. We thank you in advance for your time in this. Although, thinking about it, maybe its you who should be thanking us for our concern for your health and safety, plus all the time it took our legal department to write all this stuff out just so you don’t go getting your sorry ass all messed up in infinite improbabilities and suing us — but hey, we won’t quibble about it.
Health and Safety Notice
Do rest assured that we have done our very best to ensure that the infinite improbabilities of our “Infinite Improbability Drives” are targeted specifically within the selected dimensional boundaries we have assigned each button, but you have to understand that when dealing with ‘Infinite Improbability Drives’ one can never count out unforeseen improbable possibilities occurring.
So, obviously, using “Infinite Improbability Drives” in this way does come with some slight risks, but we do think they’re very worth it.
However, we’d like you to be aware, that if you do press any of the “Infinite Improbability Drive” buttons on this website then you are doing so at your own risk and that we here at Kindle Worm HQ accept no responsibility, whatsoever, etc., etc., for the probability that your whole existence will become infinitely improbable and you will wake up tomorrow morning, sometime around 9.30am, and find yourself as a vagrant, alcoholic, illegal immigrant, living homeless on the streets of Ulaanbaatar. Which, as infinitely improbable as that may sound, and as infinitely improbable that you actually know where Ulaanbaatar is in the first place (not to mention you becoming a vagrant, alcoholic, illegal immigrant living on the streets there), is a distinct probability when you engage an ‘Infinite Improbability Drive’.
And then, once you’re in Ulaanbaatar, you’ll spend all your waking hours trying to get into an internet cafe (and being shooed away for being rather smelly and dishevelled looking) in order to get back onto this website to re-engage the ‘Infinite Improbability Drive’ in the mistaken hope that it will somehow put everything back to the way it was. Well it won’t, sorry, it’ll only make things far, far more infinitely improbable than they’ve already become because, according to our calculations, infinite improbability squared is seriously, unbelievably messy — you really don’t even want to think about going there.
We know this all sounds totally silly and all a load of complete nonsense, and it’s definitely, infinitely probable that you’re not believing any of it. But, as studies have shown, disbelief in the infinitely improbable is proportionally synonymous with the square root of 87.653% of the distance from you to the event horizon of an “Infinite Improbability Drive”. Which, put into layman’s terms, simply means that just catching a glimpse of one of our “Infinite Improbability Drive” buttons in your peripheral vision, begins to make the infinitely improbable possible, and you won’t even realise that it’s happened because it’s so infinitely improbable that you simply can’t comprehend it at all. Just having this website open in your browser has already begun to open up fissures in the quantum probability integration pathways of your sub-basement probability existence matrix (trust us, it’s a real thing) — no one can say what might happen to you now with any finite level of probability whatsoever.
So, suffice it to say, just be careful out there and do consider wisely before pressing any of our “Infinite Improbability Drive” buttons, or even hovering your mouse pointer anywhere near them. Remember, we here at Kindle Worm HQ have all been highly trained in their use and safety requirements (we have leaflets and everything for all our staff, but we always make them sign disclaimers as well, just in case) and we always wear lead impregnated kevlar undergarments at work, at all times, especially when entering the highly shielded, reinforced, Infinite Improbability coding cupboard where we keep the specialised, armoured servers that these things run on. You, the viewing public, most certainly don’t have the training, or the level of protection (not to mention the leaflets), that we do.
Obviously, you aren’t going to believe a word of this, so do please send a postcard from Ulaanbaatar, we always like to hear from our readers and we’re building quite a good collection on the East wall of the office: